if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
