everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
