look no pants
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
this is an emotional support booty call
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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