yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
