I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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