I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize