I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
