my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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