Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
