the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
