He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
