you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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