God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
