Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
