We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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