So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
