You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize