even my farts smell like vagina
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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