I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
