Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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