no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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