Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
