I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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