So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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