Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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