my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
operation harelip BJ is a go
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
