I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
