just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
