Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
