Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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