I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
