you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
