Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
