Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
