Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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