That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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