You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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