he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
