You really coming over, don't trick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
