I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
