I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
