I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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