i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize