Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
