Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
its liver damage thursday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
