hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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