My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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