on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The struggles of a small town man whore
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
