I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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