i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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