I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
