Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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