Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
