oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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