I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
