dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
