I CAN MOONWALK!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
