Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
