Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
