You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude. I can hear the air.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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