Ambien. No doubt about it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
