woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
