last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
