Pappa wants mamma naked
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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