We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
