I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
