My cat gives me a boner
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
