Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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