dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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