names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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