We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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