i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
