Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
