Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
