i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
