did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
