he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
