Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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